Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
