I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
