do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
