I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
The uberlube is also flammable
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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