You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
