WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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