I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
