Actions speak louder than pants.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
