Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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