You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
