Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
