The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
