I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
