So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
