i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Randomize
