I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
