Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
