just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Randomize
