billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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