My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
