you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
