i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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