you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Randomize
