The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
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