youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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