i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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