the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Randomize
