dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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