Tell her she can't have a vagina
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
