hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
