remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Randomize
