He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
