with your own penis?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
