I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
