I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
