Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
