i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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