my phone needs a breathalizer
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
