We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
i would one night stand the shit outta him
im calling her cock vulture from now on
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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