Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
