You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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