Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
