Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
