dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
