Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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