When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
