this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
