That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
