Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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