It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
