i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
