Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I can't turn off my feet"
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
