Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
