gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
