while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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